Following up the epic Game 5 victory, the Cubs had an equally epic postgame celebration. We have had the privilege over the past 3 years to witness more than our fair share of champagne showers in the locker room, and it always gets us thinking… What are the guys sipping on after the cameras go off? In that spirit, I want to wind back the clock and do a special “Whose Booze” recap from the 2016 World Series and 2017 Central Division Championship celebrations.
2016 World Series Parade
- John Lackey: Old English. Guy was fucked up on the trolley. Wasn’t even saying anything. Absolute Zombie.
- Miguel Montero: Don’t know what he was drinking but know he was fucked up. Got invited on to the stage to say a few words and he just screams, “WE ARE GOOD!”
- Kris Bryant: Juice Box. Obvious.
- Travis Wood: Any cheap whiskey. Feels like a flask guy. Wild Turkey, Evan Williams. Something cheap and dark.
- Trevor Cahill: Licking Budweiser off the trolley floor. You know that muskrat fuck knows that he’s never going back to this, so he’s trying to get absolutely every ounce of free alcohol he can get.
- Pat Hughes: Gin and tonic. Classy Drink for a refined man. Guy had to talk a lot at the rally in Grant Park so he wasn’t sloppy, but didn’t stop him from enjoying a little head buzz.
- Ben Zobrist: Sprite. Boring. Expected. White paint on white wall personality. Nothing There.
- Javy Baez: White girl wasted drinking Hennessy.
- Dexter Fowler: Also drinking Hennessy. Not to microagress.
- Kyle Schwarber: Old Style and dip spit.
2017 Central Division Championship Celebration in St. Louis
- Taylor Davis: Absolutely mutilated. Drinking boring Budweiser and enjoying every ounce. Living off a Triple-A salary and squeezing Tom Ricketts for every dime of booze money he can.
- Alex Avila: Whip-Its. Insane frat guy move. You got a rich up-tight dad, you crave an unhealthy high. Avila’s dad has traded his son away multiple times. Al is working off the excess rage with some Whip Its.
- René Rivera: Finest French Chardonay. Guy is all class. No bottom shelf bullshit for René.
- Felix Peña: Don Julio for himself and the Latin Swag boys. No way those guys are feebly accepting Bud Light after clinching a division. No way.